Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
