my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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