I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
