I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
