we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
