last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
