so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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