Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
