WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
