If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize