Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
