Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.