Me too!
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
