Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem