Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"

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  (805): Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore" http://tfl.nu/y23i
  Replies (2) Good night (1506) Bad night (1005)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.

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  (201): i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms. http://tfl.nu/0e58
  Replies (8) Good night (4520) Bad night (743)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

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  (267): When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking. http://tfl.nu/7g2d
  Replies (35) Good night (2145) Bad night (3781)
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  (626): View more from California

  Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.

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  (626): Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting. http://tfl.nu/7nt8
  Replies (30) Good night (869) Bad night (4593)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.

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  (708): I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you. http://tfl.nu/rvgi
  Replies (15) Good night (1876) Bad night (4645)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.

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  (812): These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now. http://tfl.nu/s4lf
  Replies (7) Good night (1117) Bad night (2836)
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  (716): View more from New York

  You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.

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  (716): You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook. http://tfl.nu/wajd
  Replies (18) Good night (5913) Bad night (1656)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.

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  (506): I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number. http://tfl.nu/oux0
  Replies (11) Good night (6163) Bad night (971)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.

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  (214): It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad. http://tfl.nu/hqh8
  Replies (8) Good night (1460) Bad night (1304)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now

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  (662): I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now http://tfl.nu/5831
  Replies (7) Good night (768) Bad night (1188)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert

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  (302): It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert http://tfl.nu/8dr2
  Replies (12) Good night (601) Bad night (1154)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.

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  (913): I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed. http://tfl.nu/4bjv
  Replies (6) Good night (930) Bad night (404)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  JESUS

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  (919): you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered. (1-919): JESUS http://tfl.nu/td1m
  Replies (3) Good night (1143) Bad night (391)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy

  (813): View more from Florida

  HE'S NOT INVITED!!!

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  (727): The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy (813): HE'S NOT INVITED!!! http://tfl.nu/3870
  Replies (3) Good night (546) Bad night (414)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??

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  (817): I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend?? http://tfl.nu/pktu
  Replies (13) Good night (770) Bad night (274)

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