So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
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So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.