Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.

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  (516): If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals. http://tfl.nu/q4jm
  Replies (9) Good night (921) Bad night (1445)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  :( I'm sorry!!!

  (847): View more from Illinois

  sexual favors sorry?

  (224): View more from Illinois

  absolutely not

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  (224): :( I'm sorry!!! (847): sexual favors sorry? (224): absolutely not http://tfl.nu/14ur
  Replies (30) Good night (959) Bad night (2185)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.

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  (970): totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off. http://tfl.nu/qavz
  Replies (34) Good night (6805) Bad night (665)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.

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  (919): I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels. http://tfl.nu/lt6v
  Replies (19) Good night (4519) Bad night (1450)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week

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  (901): I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week http://tfl.nu/o67r
  Replies (2) Good night (3557) Bad night (864)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta

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  (814): She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta http://tfl.nu/cr5h
  Replies (8) Good night (3825) Bad night (1353)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)

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  (703): So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:) http://tfl.nu/uwez
  Replies (7) Good night (2030) Bad night (895)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer

  (1-949): View more from California

  Party on wayne

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  (949): Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer (1-949): Party on wayne http://tfl.nu/qjse
  Replies (9) Good night (2861) Bad night (789)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.

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  (570): They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier. http://tfl.nu/s3gh
  Replies (17) Good night (2186) Bad night (709)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.

  (1-740): View more from Ohio

  When in doubt always reply with bacon.

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  (740): Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon. (1-740): When in doubt always reply with bacon. http://tfl.nu/8s4u
  Replies (18) Good night (2918) Bad night (636)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.

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  (563): Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up. http://tfl.nu/xba5
  Replies (0) Good night (423) Bad night (806)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.

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  (717): Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much. http://tfl.nu/y3yp
  Replies (3) Good night (805) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.

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  (505): I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked. http://tfl.nu/byyl
  Replies (1) Good night (534) Bad night (313)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?

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  (765): So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell? http://tfl.nu/75pe
  Replies (4) Good night (254) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.

  (217): View more from Illinois

  But your showmanship is impeccable.

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  (815): I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings. (217): But your showmanship is impeccable. http://tfl.nu/agt5
  Replies (1) Good night (731) Bad night (325)

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