sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
