i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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