You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
