Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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