You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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