puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
In America we eat man semen.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
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