i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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