I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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