then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
