im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
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And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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