My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
