Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
