sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
