i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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