Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
