Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I will pee on everything he values.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
