I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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