Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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