first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
