Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i love accidental penises.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
