Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
