Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
