i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
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How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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