I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
