You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
