You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
