I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
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