also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
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I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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