; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
well you can't waste a boner
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
