3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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