It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
