I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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