I heard we made out
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
