So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
