He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize