During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
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I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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