I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you traded sex for a burrito?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
