So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize