you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
