Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
