I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
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