It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i think im in europe. pls send help
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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