4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Randomize
