Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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