i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
