Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
