Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
