Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
