It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
