Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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