i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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