After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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