I am full of burrito and curiosity
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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