Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
