respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
