oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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