Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
