So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
