The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
