U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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