is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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