Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I will pee on everything he values.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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