we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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