im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I love having hate sex.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
