I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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