I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
