Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
