Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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