just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Four minutes until I can fart!
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
