I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
