You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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