I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
