How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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