do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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