The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
